Why You're Still So Tired After a Weekend of ‘Rest’: The ADHD Reality

Picture this: It's Sunday evening and you've spent the entire weekend resting, at least that's what you told yourself you were doing. No work emails. No jobs to do. Just lounging around, scrolling through insta reels, watching Netflix and maybe ordering take away.

So why do you still feel completely exhausted?

If this scenario sounds painfully familiar, you're not alone! As an ADHDer who coaches others with ADHD, I've lived this annoying cycle more times than I can count. In fact, in the last week I had a three-day weekend that somehow left me more depleted than a full week of work. How is that even possible?

This post is the first in a series exploring why traditional approaches to rest often fail ADHD brains and what actually works instead. As we finally settle into the year with the Christmas and Easter season behind us and no major breaks on the horizon until December, understanding how to truly rest and recharge becomes even more critical.

The Rest Illusion

Here's the painful truth: Many of us with ADHD have never intentionally experienced true rest. What we call rest is often something else entirely.

Those times that you’re spending your whole day laying in bed on the weekend, or sitting on the couch binge watching show, that looks like you’re resting right?

But are you?

If you’re anything like me what’s happening is more likely:

• Your brain is jumping in between like 17 thoughts

• You can see the pile on laundry on the floor and you feel guilty that you’re not dealing with it right now

• You’re trying to watch a TV show but instead you’re thinking about work tomorrow

• Quickly checking that notification has turned into a 40 minute scroll hole

Sound familiar? that’s not rest! and it’s just mentally exhausting TBH.

Why Our Brains Don't Register Rest

There are three major reasons why typical rest activities often leave ADHD brains feeling depleted rather than restored:

The Paralysis Trap

What looks like rest is often paralysis. When I find myself unable to get off the couch despite wanting to, I'm not resting. I'm stuck in the frustrating space between wanting to act and being unable to initiate action.

My brain is actually working overtime.

• Fighting executive dysfunction ‘I really need to put washing on but I just, can’t, get, up!’

• Engaging in harsh self-criticism: ‘OMG you’re so useless get up, get up, GET UP’

• Thinking of a never ending list of but firsts: ‘okay I need to shower, but first I need to wash my hair, but I want to go to the gym later so I need to do that first’

This explains why you can spend an entire day ‘relaxing’ and somehow feel worse than when you started. Your brain never actually got a break!

The Interoception Problem

Many of us with ADHD struggle with interoception, which is our brain's ability to interpret signals from our body. Basically, it means we struggle recognising when we actually need rest.

I can't count how many times I've pushed myself to finish ‘just one more’ task only to suddenly realise I'm completely exhausted. By the time I notice that I’m that exhausted, I'm already running on empty. It's like not noticing the empty light and only checking the fuel gauge after the car has stopped running. Not being aware in time often makes us miss the chance to rest, so we end up pushing ourselves until we're totally wiped out.

The Guilt Spiral

The final piece of this puzzle is the productivity guilt that plagues so many of us. Years of struggling to keep up with neurotypical expectations, being called lazy, or being told you need to try harder can create a subconscious belief that stopping, even just for a minute will result in falling irreparably behind.

I’m guilty of this too. If I've had a week or even a couple of days of high productivity, taking a break feels terrifying, as if rest might break the fragile system I've built. Spoiler alert: NOT resting is actually what breaks it.

By now you might be thinking, 'Well if none of this works, what am I supposed to do?' Fair enough! We've spent all this time talking about what doesn't work, and that might feel overwhelming. But understanding these patterns is actually half the battle - it's the first step to breaking the cycle and finding what actually works for your ADHD brain instead of what's supposed to work for everyone

What Actually Works: ADHD Rest That Restores

So what DOES work for ADHD brains? Through working with clients and a LOT of personal trial and error, I've worked out that effective ADHD rest typically has these characteristics

It matches your current need type

Not all tiredness is created equal! I've found that applying the different types of rest identified by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, sensory, creative, and social rest) to ADHD is incredibly helpful.

For example, after a day of back-to-back Zoom meetings, I need social rest.

After a crowded, noisy event, my sensory system needs some love.

And during hectic weeks, my creative energy might be completely tapped out while I'm physically fine.

Learning to identify which type of tiredness you're experiencing is a game-changer. That picture perfect beach holiday with a book might be perfect for mental fatigue but terrible for sensory overload (sand on and in everything, am I right?).

It often involves gentle movement

For a lot of us, complete physical stillness actually increases mental hyperactivity, and being forced to sit still can feel physically painful.

Some of my most restful activities involve movement: walking while listening to a podcast, swimming laps, or even certain types of yoga.

The thing about ADHD rest is that sometimes movement is actually more restful than stillness because it gives the hyperactive part of our brain something to do while the exhausted parts recover.

It creates safe space for your authentic self

One of the most tiring aspects of daily life with ADHD is the effort of trying to operate in a neurotypical world. True rest often involves creating environments where you don't have to mask or apologise for your brain.

For me, this means having friends where I can info dump without judgement, safe spaces where I can stim freely, and activities where my hyper focus is an asset rather than a problem.

A Simple Starting Point: The Rest Diagnostic

This might all feel like a lot... that totally okay! If you’re looking for somewhere simple to start try this:

Next time you feel exhausted despite having ‘rested’, ask yourself:

• Was my body still but my mind racing? - try mental rest

• Do certain sounds, lights, or textures feel unbearable right now? - try sensory rest

• Am I feeling sensitive or snarky? - try emotional rest

• Do I feel heavy or tense? - try physical rest

• Does it feel impossible to smile at one more person? - try social rest

Identifying the specific type of rest you need is the first step toward actually getting it.

Moving Forward: Breaking the Rest Illusion Cycle

In part 2 of this series, I'll dive deeper into specific strategies for each type of rest need. But for now, simply becoming aware of The Rest Illusion is a powerful start.

Next time you find yourself resting but feeling worse for it, pause and check in. Is this actually restful for YOUR brain? Or are you caught in the Rest Illusion?

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Learn More About Rest Types

The concept of different types of rest was developed by Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith in her work on rest deficits. While her framework wasn't specifically created for ADHD, it’s an interesting tool to start with. If you'd like to explore her original research:

• Check out her TED talk and article on the 7 types of rest: https://ideas.ted.com/the-7-types-of-rest-that-every-person-needs/

• Visit her website https://www.restquiz.com to take a quiz identifying your rest needs.

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Want to explore how ADHD specific coaching can help you build sustainable systems for true rest and productivity? Click here to sign up for my newsletter below to receive exclusive parts of this series or book a free consultation to explore how coaching might work for you.

Remember: Proper rest isn't the opposite of productivity; it's what makes productivity possible.